How I nearly died, 13 times

if you’ve read and absorbed any part of my site; I would hope you may wonder how I am doing.

Thank you if you are..

I have no intention of going Netflix Episode Six.

But my words might sting a little.

I found a mental health provider I feel comfortable with. I try and get out at least once a day and walk. I maintain composure. But that’s my point. And that is why I’m making a big deal because this is not good enough.

I really am disabled for more than one reason.

There is the whole consistent, repetitious trauma since I was a toddler. And the malicious malignant narcissist ex-fiancé, Mr. Mulah that would prefer to see me dead.

THAT whole ball of tar aside.

I have a diseased liver.

I managed so much damage to my liver, SO quickly, I had to have an emergency gallbladder removal about 6 months after my cirrhosis diagnosis and medically induced sobriety program.

I'm here to let women in particular, know how brutal alcohol can be and how lightning fast it can take you down. Women’s genetic makeup is SO different than men - hormones, metabolism [the list goes on].

If you (anyone) have ever considered drinking yourself to death; FIRST of all, you are not the only one.

I’m here to tell you how shitty it is both literally and figuratively if you do.

I almost died thirteen times after my gallbladder surgery. The surgeon told me she "didn’t like alcoholics" right before I went under her knife. She was seriously appalled by me. I didn’t have anyone by my side to be sure I was ok.

She switched my diet from my doctor-ordered ‘low sodium diet’, (post sobriety program) to ‘low fat’ even though I begged her repeatedly not to.

Most people would have potentially died from that, much less a GI tract wondering how food might get along, fresh out of a gallbladder.

That’s how so many people don’t “make it out”.

But I’m too much of a pain in the ass to do that. That, and a traveling doctor from the Big Apple took me seriously and saved my life.

I‘ve made it this far, somehow. I will continue to talk about the survival tactics I’ve used to get this far. But this is not far enough.

I’m not letting failed systems and malicious people dictate my quality of life. And that is what it comes down to for people in abusive relationships everywhere.

Currently I am in the least-nice place I’ve ever lived, in my life. I am grateful for a roof. I have not lived in this close of a proximity to so many complete strangers Since a dorm room I quickly moved out of in college.

This is still more expensive than my place that I was mentally kidnapped away from. I can keep my car payment up but I can’t afford insurance on it. So I’m trapped here alone and trapped without transportation.

I can’t move back to the town next to my son because the property management (rated #1- yay!) women are cold and ruthless and won’t accept repeated written apologies. They are aware I can’t get back to my son and yet my name is an office joke. I included this photo of me & my son that I’ve entitled ‘Lambs to Slaughter’.

All I Want is A Chance to Rebuild My Life!!!!!!

I just don’t understand how people can be so cold.

I want a chance to get to know my son again!!! I’ll never get these years back!

By the time I rebuild my credit and have hope of home ownership I’ll be 60!

Will lenders lend to someone that old with a diseased liver?

Exactly.