My Alcoholism [Part 4]

It's been a while since my last post and I feel I should continue my story.

In 2015, things in my life took a downturn. I lived in a ski resort for about 20 years as a single mother. I remarried twice, but I was really still a single mom. My career was great and I truly looked forward to going to work. I made a difference and I was respected.

I lost my job. It was a blow I never expected and worse yet, it was due to budget cuts. I was told I was 100% rehirable. But I later learned that was a joke. I married for the fourth time for the wrong reasons. I was trapped in the area if I wanted to be a part of my kids' lives. Any job in the area was an embarrassment in comparison to my prior position. I couldn't handle the shame.

Long story short; my marriage became an alcoholic dependency carnival of abuse. My name was changed. It became "Stupid Bitch". My husband also became physically violent. I was terrified and hopelessly trapped.

Soon enough, he pinned me to the bed with his left leg to prevent my 911 call and broke four of my ribs in the process. I was in pain but I numbed that with alcohol. I didn't realize I had broken ribs for almost a week.

He made up a couple outlandish explanations as to how I broke my own ribs. People bought it and my reputation went down the drain. Honestly, I deserved it.

My broken ribs led to a diagnosis of cirrhosis of the liver. I had nearly achieved death by alcohol. I was severely depressed and adding to it with the depression caused by alcohol. I knew it and I didn't care.

At that point I figured I was a useless mother and my youngest would be better off without me anyway. I was delusional.

I told myself the same thing with my adult children. This was the devil's work and I let it in without a fight. I thought it may be best if I just died.

But I didn't. And I really think it was for a reason.

Stay tuned for "Part 5". I plan to share my road to recovery without sugar coating a thing. It gets ugly.

Embarrassingly ugly.